Adult-ting

Posted: May 22, 2018 in Uncategorized

PicsArt_05-22-01.58.48When you meet your pals and ask “so how’s life?” and they respond to say “this adult-ting thing bana, but we are just hustling tu”. How true is it? I mean I wish we were taught things about growing up in school. Things like taxes, rent, utility bills, real estate, investments and all. Unless you took a keen interest in it, it must have hit you hard especially when moving out or finishing uni.  I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately mostly because I feel like I want to live my last year of my 20’s to the fullest and still think about my future.

I find most of my weekends being taken up by a ka ruracio here or a baby shower there or someone’s wedding. Which is good because I am at that age where those things are happening in people’s lives. But now one day you wake up and you ask yourself what’s happening in your own life. It becomes this sudden panic of okay so this is what is in my bank account and this is what my job is paying me and I’m still single and this is what is in my name (if anything at all). Tell me how many people’s lives have been taken by this thing called depression? mostly elevated by societal pressure. This is how it is though isn’t it? We can’t change the pressure and what’s happening around us, we can only change ourselves. So what’s next?

I have given myself so many excuses in the past. Things like I can’t lose weight because it’s in my genes and it runs in the family or I can’t save right now because I’m not being paid enough. Excuses can be so many.  Those people called my friends who always say they are going to join me in the gym. 3 years later and I’m still waiting 🙂 I decided to write down all these things that I want to happen in my life and just start immediately. I wrote and wrote and looked at them or thought about them almost daily. I didn’t want to ask myself the same questions  in 5 years or even 2 years. Even just being confident enough to ask someone how they made it through a certain aspect in their life was doing something. On weekdays, by the time I am getting home I am so tired because I have done everything I can to make the most out of that day. That’s why I think being a parent is a skill because I keep thinking if I had kids the job wouldn’t end when I get home.  Anyway the thing is to just stop making excuses. It’s always seems to be someone else’s fault why this and this is not happening in your life.

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However there is a balance. The balance is to make sure you don’t give yourself too much pressure and not be comfortable where you lay. I can honestly say sometimes I can be lazy to do some things in the house and so it’s still a work in progress. But just to make sure I don’t stay in my comfort zone I remind myself how I don’t want to be in this same spot when I am turning 40. The balance is also not looking at the chic I went to primary school with and see that she has 3 kids or the one I went to uni with and see how she is travelling the world na bado I’m here doing my 8 to 5.  Balance is  investing in myself, my time and my money. I am investing in my friends and my family and if there is nothing I want to change then I will do the same thing day in and day out. My friends who know me well know that I like to plan. Especially when it comes to meeting up. I really don’t understand why you have to ask me out to hang the day before. Even when a plan is made, why you can’t tell me early enough that we need to cancel. It’s not even about liking the person a lot or a little but just plain respect. (However I can be exceptionally random sometimes)

The best thing about getting older for me is not feeling guilty about being myself or expressing myself.  I can’t say that I am totally not afraid of getting older but I can say for sure that it hasn’t stopped me from anything. I am embracing it and feel like I’m growing older but getting younger. I am happier, more stable and decisive and mistakes don’t feel like it’s the end of the world anymore. Starter pack for getting older is just different for everyone, so create your own meme for it. Let me sit and sip my whiskey in peace as I think how adult-ting has not been so bad to me after all.

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Staying sane

 

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I know I keep saying how happy I am like all the time but honestly not everything always goes exactly the way I want it to go. The thing is, I see things happening now that I didn’t think would happen to me or that I would reach certain places in my life. Some things stay the same but others change. To stay happy and thankful I think we all need to discover ourselves a bit more every year. Yes it was my birthday and I turned 29 on Sunday so felt like doing a bit of self evaluation.

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  1. But why does it matter? I don’t mean this to sound vulgar but you know that song for Big Sean? Yes that one with the language? (Trying to make this as PG as possible) It’s a reference of how you should just not care about some things. I put up a video on my instastories of me looking at myself in the mirror thinking how me not going to the gym for 5 days has gotten me so off track and this person comments of how my low quality video should not be up and how I should know better. That’s what I mean I just don’t care about that stuff anymore. I’d take those opinions to heart but now it’s like, its not worth the defense.
  2. Take me as I am. I am so comfortable in my own skin. I like to look pretty of course but I like my arms and kinky hair and all that ( i was told my hair is a type called 3C. I wonder what kinda girl a 3C is 🙂 ) I would always compare myself to others but now not so much. Before I leave the house I look at myself in the mirror and go like, “look at you simply amazing person”. Try it, it works. You’ll end up having an amazing day.
  3. Who’s coming? So when I go out somewhere, my intention would be about who I’ll meet or I just have to meet someone at this party or something of the sort. Now it’s more of, I just want to have a good time and a good laugh. I want to have great conversations that when I go home I feel how worth it was for attending that event.
  4. Pressure for who? I don’t feel abnormal, slow, pressured or undesired because I’m single. With all these articles going round of how single hood is like some sort of condition I am just okay with it. I just don’t have the desire to always be on the look out. I really enjoy my own company and believe things happen at their own time. I’ve stopped holding on to always wanting to be with that certain person at that particular time and instead just make an effort to go through experiences.
  5. Takeaway please I struggle to finish my food sometimes. I know this one sounds so funny but for reals. I had an appetite for like 10 people for the longest time and now it’s more like “can you pack the rest please?” However I still love my food.
  6. Ati, its whose concert again? I really don’t like overly crowded places. No thanks. I want to be comfortably seated or if they deliver please do. I keep saying how hanging out in the house is such a good plan or driving out somewhere. Disclaimer: Please do not refer to my instagram pics for evidence 🙂
  7. Let’s play a game Remember the things I was saying that don’t change? Well I am still one big kid. You can ask some of my friends. I still like cartoons and I can play with my niece and nephew for hours. I do these weird things like sway my legs back and forth or sit upside down and forget my age sometime.
  8. What’s today’s work out? I really hate missing my work out sessions. I want to be active like every single day and keep giving myself challenges. I am not there yet but I am so happy that I still haven’t gone more than a week of not working out in a very long time.
  9. Slaying Now, this slay queen situation. I really don’t understand it but eh I am okay with my simple none existent shape of my eyebrows, my none foundationed skin and my real and clear nails. I don’t want to use 5 different things for my eyes or wake up 30 mins earlier for my make up. I use lip stick, eyeliner and eye pencil. And just like that I am transformed. My skin isn’t perfect but i also don’t purchase any cleansers or many many things to do to my face. Its wet wipes and Nivea. Even Vaseline sometimes. I love my mum’s complexion and she uses nothing so let’s hope the genes keep pushing me. Eating well helps too.
  10. Shoesssss See I just love shoes. Did I think I would ever? Nope, but I do.
  11. Forget about it There will always be people who just don’t like you. I always used to find out why so and so doesn’t like me and the way I am so nice to them. Actually they will highly dislike you for no reason at all. But now if they are not directly associated with you, please just ignore it. If they are, like you have to work with them, just do your job well, the rest will follow.
  12. No Thanks I have finally learned how to say NO. Say no to people who are toxic in your life(we call them fun times people but really they are get me broke and in trouble people). Please say no to those who keep asking for unreasonable favours and say no to people who treat you any less of a person than you actually are. Just have those few who love you just the way you are.
  13. Wellness I didn’t think I would regularly check on my health. No one likes to hear that there is something wrong with them and because I am diabetic I would hate for anything else to be wrong. But then you know it’s just so much better to be aware of the status of your health. Don’t wait till the last minute to find out nothing can be done. Keep checking. So far so good and plus my diabetes is doing really well. (Thank you God)
  14. Meal prep manenos Stick to a meal plan. This was something I was never able to do and never thought I had to do but now I am so conscious of what goes into my body.
  15. I’m sorry, this can’t work Don’t fear rejection. Whether it’s from a proposal at work, a job regret, a guy or a friend, it’s one of those doors closing type of situations. I hated giving my opinion in the fear it will be rejected but no more. This has made me a much stronger person.
  16. Be real Which brings me this point. I don’t know if I should call it brutal honesty but I am really finding it relieving to just be honest with the things I like and don’t like.  Please don’t grind on me when you have just met me and want to dance, don’t interrupt my gym schedule to make me go eat calories I don’t want to and please I just want to stay home tonight.
  17. Pray. I have realized the importance of having a place where I can go cry out all my frustrations. Where I can ask for guidance and peace. It keeps me very sane. It also give me vision on the track I need to follow to get to my goals.
  18. Save & Plan I ate yesterday, I ate today, I want to eat tomorrow and I want my kids to eat too. This is really something I have learned from my late father. Even with that ka first salo, put something small aside because when you get the big money’s you have already disciplined yourself for the future.
  19. Give The more you give the more you receive. Even the small things. If you are in a position to help someone and your instincts are giving you a thumbs up, please go ahead and do something about it. Look for ways you can help people. Remember that time you needed help, someone coming through for you would have really helped. Now you can be that someone to someone else in need. It’s actually a really good feeling,
  20. Shine bright Finally don’t let the past define your future. The scars of my depression period, years ago are still there but the person who has risen from it is becoming a star. No one can tell me any differently.

 

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Huh????

Let me just start by saying I was a bit ignorant about what diabetes was back then. But this being my 15th year, wait 15 years already? If my diagnosis was a child they would be a teenager by now 🙂 So you can imagine how many comments I’ve heard since then. I don’t blame them all because I too was once ignorant. The funny questions or comments stop being irritating and start being funny

Is it diabetes for salt of for sugar?

Google is our friend and I do not think I have seen Wikipedia or something similar defining diabetic types to be for salt or for sugar. I will define it as the body’s inability to produce insulin. Insulin is a hormone produced by the pancreas that is used to control the blood sugar levels in your body. So if you are diabetic, the insulin produced is either inefficient or not there at all. This is where the medication comes in. Salt increases blood pressure not blood sugar. Let me put a disclaimer that I am not a medic but I personally don’t have “diabetes for salt”.

Is that what you are eating?

This is similar to, “aren’t you big enough? Should you be eating that with that weight?”. You shouldn’t be eating bad food at any weight but then again we are all different. “Now that you have told me what I am eating is bad, I can go ahead and live a better life”, said no one ever. How we communicate to people is very important. Yes, I know I am diabetic and I know I can’t eat or should limit myself to some things but not according to a person a barely even know. If it’s intended to be in a helpful manner, you can try suggesting it as opposed to rebuking it. I don’t know you like you like that man. We are different and the way one person takes to being diagnosed with diabetes is not the same as another. We eat different things but the no. 1 priority is to be healthy and keep those blood sugar levels on point. Please note what your 90-year-old grandmother eats because she is diabetic is not what I should be eating.

Can you pass it to me?

Well unless you are my child then sure I can pass it to you. Diabetes is a non-communicable disease, which means you cannot get it through touch, a cough/sneeze, sex or anything of the sort. So no your girlfriend or boyfriend won’t give you diabetes. It however it can be inherited if it is in the family but it’s not inevitable for you to get it. So just eat right and be healthy whatever the situation.

But you’re so small, how can you have diabetes?

This one doesn’t apply to me but still an annoying question. While being obese can contribute to someone getting diabetes, it can also be hereditary and since there is still no official cure for diabetes a small person can be diabetic. But honestly we should be over the stereo type that small people are healthier than bigger people. At the end of the day if you don’t eat right and you aren’t active at all then you are prone to a lot of things, not just diabetes. Small or big, skinny or fat, get your ass up and live a healthy life.

 

These are just some of those “really, did you just ask that?” kinda questions. All in all, we need to be more cautious on how we approach people when it comes to their health. Especially when you know nothing about the illness they have or the person they are or even what they are currently going through. Maybe ask questions and inquire. No one asks to be sick but we take the next step to getting better. Do not attack anyone or blame them for what is going on especially if you are not knowledgeable about the situation. Be happy and be healthy. Stay woke. #fitdiabetic

 

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Living the best days of my life

Dear Diabetes,

Posted: December 6, 2017 in Uncategorized

When I learned about your name I only thought you were involved with older people. You were the sugar monster from far away. Then one day I saw you getting a hold of my dad. He seemed to accommodate you well so I still didn’t think too much of you. One day you came into my life. I received a harsh introduction from you. I remember a lot of tears and sudden introduction to pills and injections. I was only fourteen years old and I was told you came in two different types being 1 and 2.  This was confusing at first because you were both the same but yet recognizing different. Your influence on me meant I couldn’t eat and act like others my age. But I refused to listen to how you wanted me to live my life and because of this I started getting weak, so weak I could barely play any sports or even walk ups stairs comfortably. I started running to the bathroom every other minute because my bladder couldn’t handle it. I suddenly lost 20kgs and my eye sight just got worse. I really hated you and because of this I got very depressed  but nevertheless I figured rejecting you into my life wasn’t such a good idea because there were so many consequences to deal with.

So I decided to try again. Took up all the recommendations I was given by the doctor and started to feel good again. I must admit I didn’t want any of my friends knowing about you at first. I already felt ashamed of my body and took in the teasing from my peers about my size. I couldn’t take any more judgement. But whether I liked it or not you were here to stay and not going away. I tried to pray you away or take short cuts but none of them worked. I grew up with you and as much as I thought I was in control of you, I really wasn’t. I realized this when I developed cataracts. It was an eye opener both mentally and physically especially after I had them removed at 19 years old. I knew I couldn’t be struggling in this alone. This made me go out and start looking for others like me. I found them and at all ages. Both younger and older than me and decided I can start an online group where we can share how you came into all our lives. The stereotype that you only affected old people was totally wrong. With this group I learned that others had struggled much worse than I thought I had. Through this I realized I had a bigger purpose than just trying to barely control you. I could use the way you used me but this time to make a better and stronger version of myself and at the same time help as many people as I could. I didn’t care whether I wasn’t the standard size society wanted me to be but I would be the best person I could be.

I felt really good when I put in the work. When I ate in a way my body agreed to, when I consistently became active and changed the way I handled stress. You became more of a friendly monster that only attempted to scare me when I did wrong to you. My prayer is that one-day no one will be defeated by you but encouraged instead.  You may have taken a few lives and others may be really suffering because of you but not me. You started out being the worst thing that happened to me in my early age but now at 28 years old I have never felt stronger.  So thank you for transforming me to this beautiful young lady who has a purpose, a drive and the alertness that the only thing that can stop me from living my life to the full is me.

Your weak friend gone strong,

Lorna the fitdiabetic

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This life of ours is just so funny. I think we just need to flip the things that are meant to break us and see the humour in them. I keep laughing at myself now because of some of the silly that happen to me as a diabetic and probably most diabetics but we aren’t all the same.

Where did I put my keys again?

This tends to happen to many of us especially as we grow older. So sometimes I’m like “Did i take my meds today?” hmmmm. So you decide to take them again just in case. Then it hits you, “damn it, I did take them and now I have taken them twice”. Even worse is when you are on insulin and take it twice. Oh well *shrugs shoulders and gives excuse to eat more and recover  🙂

Slow motion

I remember the days for when I was weak due to high/uncontrolled blood sugar readings. So I would fall a lot and I mean a lot. Then sometimes you don’t even know what you have fallen from. You look back and be like “now how did grass trip me?” Lol. Now when people have witnessed this falling from nothing, it looks like you’re in slow motion. You literally don’t feel in control of your own body so you just let it happen and fall. The best way to feel better about an embarrassing situation is just to laugh it off . It actually makes you start genuinely laughing (with the chance of also making you look a bit nuts but what is life without those moments)

I see you. Okay, maybe I don’t really

This one reminds me of Penguins of Madagascar when they go like “just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave”. So I had cataracts for some of my years and then had them removed in 2008. My eye sight improved but it’s still not exactly perfect. So in class, in Uni more precisely, I wouldn’t see the lecturers facial expressions very well depending on the light in that room. They could be talking with joy or disappointment  but I would just be there smiling and nodding my head agreeing to whatever they are saying. Then now when I am out somewhere and someone waves at me very vigorously, I would wave back with the same enthusiasm but then again find out it’s not me they are waving at. Oops 🙂 So now I just smile and wait for them to come closer to see if I really know who they are. Guys, I am not a snob okay? Now you know.

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol 

Let me start with don’t drink if you don’t have to and especially if you are underage. So yes I do have my drink every now and again but on certain terms and conditions. I have to check my blood sugar readings before and after and I try not to over do it, or take drinks with mixers like soda (unless it’s coke zero), or do cocktails that I don’t know what’s in them and such like things. But now you can actually feel like you are drunk just because your blood sugar is high. It’s kinda funny because if your blood sugar rises and you are drinking you can feel high and not because of the booze but because of the spike. That time you have had very little alcohol or even maybe no alcohol at all (seriously you’re just full of energy). But that’s why you have to check yourself before and after  you drink. So I don’t always blame it on the alcohol.

I think I just pee’d a little 

I think maybe if you are pregnant, sick, under the age of 10 years or are just really really pressed then you have gone through this. Now imagine you can’t just help to control yourself but also can’t help having a good laugh. Have you ever done a game night? If you haven’t you just simply must. It’s fun and hilarious at the same time. But those bursts of laughter, my goodness. Just take precaution when you do so because you just control those moments.

It’s never that serious

All in all when I look back and remember these times I just laugh at myself. I am generally a bit of a clumsy person and I am so sure I inherited it because I am definitely not the only one in my family.  But most of these things happened back when I wasn’t really in control of the situation (the situation being the uncontrolled diabetes). But somehow my coordination is actually a bit better now and I have also learned some tricks here and there. The way I work out now and eat and just generally push myself into positivity makes life full of joy and definitely gives you something to laugh about. It’s about life and turning negatives into positives and what keeps you going. My progress in fitness, health and being an all round better person are what keep me going. Be happy, live, learn and enjoy life.  Don’t forget to be thankful then go work out 🙂

 

PhotoGrid_1497892389390This isn’t really a post, its more of a celebration. In the past, I don’t remember feeling any better than I currently do. So lately I have really enjoyed working out. I had slacked because these home work outs need some sort of discipline that I was only able to maintain for a few months. This made me join a gym. I am currently in my 2nd month in this gym but I love it. I go as frequently as I can and push myself only for that one hour. I also was a part of starting fitness classes at work and I now coordinate them. How jazzed am I (yes I still use that word) that I get to do this. Firstly it gets me excited to see other people get into fitness and also to experience so many different techniques of working out. Aki you just can’t get bored and neither can your body. From Zumba to taebo, hiit to circuit training, fat blast to tabata and so much more. Things I didn’t even know existed. Occasionally I will go for a polite swim or a 2 hour walk for taking it easy. I sometimes forget I need to rest till my body forces me to. Goal is not solely weight loss but fitness, health and being a badass 🙂

In addition to that I have never had this much energy on a daily basis. I am literally oozing it out, left, right and centre. An additional prop is how amazing my skin feels and looks. Lately I have been getting a lot of “which foundation do you use?” like questions. Let me just say this, you can touch my hair but please don’t touch my face to check if I have foundation. No I do not wear foundation and my regimen is a wet wipe face wipe before I sleep and in the morning I wash my face with minimal soap and then apply Nivea.

But believe you me this happy phase does not mean I don’t get upset. I still get mad and sad and I am human and it is totally fine. I just try not to let my emotions take control. Whether its at work or with people or just that ka lonely feeling from time to time. I make a conscious effort for the feeling to be as temporary as possible and get back to where I want to be. Speaking of that ka lonely feeling. You know how us chics (especially around my age) get that pressure for how we should be getting that someone somewhere soon? But then now you kinda want to hang out with me but you kinda also don’t want to be involved or committed but also you don’t want to make any effort to kinda want to? (yes I am talking about the those guys). So this is where I am and have wanted to be (not single per say but also not desperate). I have  learned a lot lately on how to have so much respect for myself, not to put myself in compromising situations and to definitely not let anyone take me for granted. It may not be very humble to say this but imagine I am a nice person (I really think I am) and the people who see that, I call my friends. And the one who really wants to see it even more will take advantage of it in the right way. Trust me, I believe in love but not the one that comes with flashiness on the outside and heartache on the inside. This has made me avoid jealousy (of the few happy couples I know) to actually appreciating the ones living a legit happy life with their significant other. We should be happy for those who make it work in this day and age, not try and tamper with it.

Over and above everything this is the kind of spot I have always wanted to fit myself in without quite realizing it. Even being broke (end month) doesn’t stress me out because I know I have never gone a day without a meal. Being my size doesn’t stress me either because ebu we go see what happens when we put this body of mine to the test. I pass all my medical tests and how can I not be happy about that? Just because some mathematical equation tells me how obese I shouldn’t be from my height, weight and age? Utter rubbish to me. Then, please stop it, yes stop it right now. Stop hanging out with those people who simply drain you. Those one’s who take advantage of you (I know you’re thinking of someone right now). Stop looking for what you think people will like you to do. I can spend a whole day doing absolutely everything I love in my own company and get home just as happy as that “freaking awesome night”. I will eat that burger I have been craving for (once in a while) and dance in my bra (by myself in the house) because these are the things that make my happy. Yes I will also fail and get disappointed but those are called necessary evils. This is why this is the most amazing time of my life and it doesn’t end there. Just wait till I start doing big things. Today you have a good day then tomorrow you have a bad day but you still have to wake up the next day and every single day after that. So do something about it. Live, Love and always be thankful.

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I am sometimes so obsessed with these transformations I see from people on instagram. They’re probably not all true but I enjoy seeing what someone has made of their lives and how much progress they keep making. But I realize in addition the body transformation that I seek for, I have been making a mind and spirit transformation as well. I recently was not feeling too good. My bs (blood sugar) levels were off the roof. Whatever I tried was just not working anymore. I wondered if it’s because I stopped going to the gym (I do home workouts now except Sunday’s) or because I am stressed (I don’t feel like I am) or something of the sort. As any other good diabetic patient would do I took myself to the doctor and it turned out I just needed to start taking medication again. After being off them for a year, I felt invincible but I was back to them. As bummed as I initially was, there’s this feeling I started to feel again once I started taking them again. This feeling of just pure bliss.

See, what happens sometimes is that when your bs levels start fluctuating a lot then so does your mood sometimes.  Therefore, this made me pretty moody and tired most of the time (if I said or did anything to you that didn’t seem like myself, well now you know why and I’m sorry 😦 ). So now when I get this feeling of joy I am like a little girl. I feel like I can go passing bits of my little joy to everyone around me. I want everyone to feel like this. This is the journey of my transformation. A transformation isn’t only about changing your outward appearance but also about changing how you feel everyday. How you interact with people, how you respond to stressful situations, how you push yourself to do a little bit more than you did yesterday. I sometimes have conversations right now with people that I may not particularly like but I don’t have to get the last word in. I don’t have to give other people an impression of myself who don’t affect my ability to do and be better.

To be honest I really should be blaming my punching bag for giving me a new sense of calm. You see I always wanted a punching bag since I was about 12 years old. I would put a pillow up against the wall in my bedroom and punch it till I calmed down but back then it wouldn’t always particularly work. The punching bag I have now is just a solution towards otherwise throwing words to someone or running away from my problems (in a addition to being a baddass 🙂 ). You know how some of us chics can be sometimes right? You want to explain yourself about why you are still single (just an example) or leave an argument with the last word or find a way to get that last word in. But why? So that tomorrow you become prettier from it or somehow make money out of it?  Just channel that into something else and you feel so much better the next day. We live in a very high pressured society. At least that’s what I think, where social media depicts how you should be in a relationship or how you should look and feel and all that stuff but do you really derive any joy from all that?

Yes, sometimes I feel my body should look a lot different by now or I should be well on my way to starting a family or earning much better money but honestly we will always feel like that at some point in our lives. The little bits of joy are what I focus on. Such as this feeling of being healthy (even if on meds), of that friend who appreciated me today, of that meal I was able to treat someone to or the gratitude of that person I was able to help. I am working on some stuff right now because I still have a lot of work to do on myself but in the meantime I won’t forget to seek that sense of zen when I am hit with the tough times. My transformation journey is more that just the basics, its about my mind, body and spirit. Be thankful and kind. Live, love and learn my people.

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LIVE, LOVE LEARN